decisions decisions

sometimes you take a look at someone or something and you really wish to do something and change fate. but as time and the pace of life sweep by, you find yourself taking far too heavy a step forward. everytime you can just contemplate and end up walking away involuntarily.

and it just repeats.

school has been really busy.. work is quite piling up and all the stuff is really reading up on ur part - no one will help you if you dont. so ya, everyone does their tutorials before coming to class and i guess that's really the meaning of being in uni.. no point wasting everybody's time there.
the tutors kinda dont wait for people. they are just rushing and rushing through all the questions with their hefty knowledge overestimating our paltry ones. for once i do hope i am still coping well. i really want to do well and i am determined to do so ! am looking at getting exam papers to try already but den there's another problem that the syllabus is barely completed(or started, rather) and i have really not much clue of how to do either. i can only rely on word of mouth and help from other seniors. then again i am not making that many friends during school. partly because i do not really want to talk to people in my course and stuff like that.. i know i would have to know more people.. but the times i really get to interact with my 'aerospace' people are during the common lectures for aerospace courses and that are really times that i wish to be alone, concentrating on the lectures. i dunno, during lessons i really prefer to be alone if im with people i barely know or people whom i am obliged to make some conversation to prevent the breaking silence that makes the separation awkward.
but having said that, its really not too bad a start thou. i do have frens. TRUST ME :p and i do know aerospace people.. at least 10 already. just that if i can, somehow i try to siam from them.. i am still ahead with work thankfully from pia-ing before tutorials really started in week 2. the trainings for d&d is really peaking.. almost everything kind of thing. its quite fun but it is really tiring and it is sapping my energy in weekdays. weekends, needless to say i have the piled up tuitions to grapple with.. NO TIME.
activities wise i think i do haf a handful to really keep me busy alr.. running for hall pub sec and hopefully i can revamp the website, do up more conclusive newsletter and stuff like that which coincidentally is really what i yearn to do without grumbles. have put my name for the subcomm for aerospace society which i hope is a good headstart to opening up my doors to people in this community. a closely knitted one. yea. i have my names under memberships for photog and investment club.. and they cost me quite abit of money to begin with!! grr. just see wad stuff i can take away and learn from the courses offered along the way i guess. the rest of my time shud be shared with the hall activities and hall frens which i think should form the bulk of my uni life. its a fun batch and i can - at least - really open up and haf fun with them.
yea.. and not forgetting that i must work hard hard hard!!!!!! there's no one to defeat me except myself.
of cos, here comes the more interesting part of decisions making. somewhere somehow something has been left out in this entire entry on life so far. i haf a small, or rather big, dilemma to make.. when such things come you really wonder if you should do it. if you dont, you might live to regret it. . and as the sun comes down, i am still thinking.
seeking answers.
just one.