in life, there's no full dress rehearsal

11/11/2006, familiar huh? ah, heh, anyways its never good to up the digit in ur age, makes u feel closer to death. i know i always think things differently, but well heh, ok, it just makes me feel older and i haven had enough of childhood. this transition period into adulthood aint much helping, things are still bypassing my grasp, i still stuck in the world of wonders, being myself, not ready to accept responsibilities and challenges of a different kind. i still haf my mindframe of studies and prolly only that, not the tot of work, struggling to maintain a beautiful family portrait. NS is not really helping, though it has contributed some sense and maturity into me for the past 10 months (check it out, 1 more year exactly to go!) come to think of it, im short of the most beautiful date 11/11/2011 by a few years only, a date which i've been really looking forward to, heh. i die die also must do something beyond memorable that day man.

aies, anyways, let this old man reflect on his life so far. the past 19 years.
notable mentions would prolly just focus on my sec sch years, had e most shit, fun and memories there. 1e7/2e7 was prolly the best thing i cud have wished for having ended up in zhonghua sec instead of victoria. the maiden journey began since then, and it never ceased. acquaintances became starcraft discussion mates became cs gamers became frens became best frens until today. the few of them who haf been around since then were simply fabulous, though i must admit im quite a bastard to them :) hah. im NOT seeking for forgiveness but acceptance - ACCEPT MY DAMN UNIQUE IDEAS :p sec sch was also fun because of the stuff i did, really indulged in SC activities, learnt life skills, appreciated life in no other perspective. jc came in a flash, though i must admit it was satisfying in a sense that i did things that i really wanted to do - join CNA on internship, participate in Pre-U Sem, lead my class, go overseas for CIP, join NTU for numerous projects. Like no, many ppl think that i find sec sch and jc satisfying because of my results, but i mean, there's nothing too proud about it to be worth a mention. it doesnt make me a better person having 4As or 10A1s, but rather just another pawn in singapore's hub aspirations. fine, i learnt the interdependence of singapore and me, but i just cant shake off the feeling of being a pawn. to those reading this, anyone you may be, i believe being a man who can answer to urself in the end of your life journey that you came to this world to appreciate life, do the things you like is the only thing that defines a man. getting 4As doesnt mean a single thing, if you are so stiff you cant even joke about a pin dropping in the midst of a meeting settling toilet bowl designs or if you dont appreciate the moral fabric of your conscience, eating into it without realising your utter regret in time to come. face it.
and now, ns came along to wake me up a lil. after 10 odd months in service, it actually managed to stave off some negative connotations i always held immaturely against the ever complained constitution. wells, i actually haf not much to complain about it, it has made me realise alot of stuff, delve into my deepest emotions, made me change perspective of serving. just one thing i shud add, that ns is really not about 'brotherhood'. the idea of having jc guys banded/mixed together just doesnt get that job done seriously. helping each other in the face of adversity, pushing each other, smiling at the end of a tough time is completely BULLSHIT to jc freaks, i am an equally guilty party. its relaly not about being correct or politically absolute but its about being the DAMN LOUSY WAY WE WERE BROUGHT UP. everything we do in army, lest outside in the working world, we do it with a vested interest. in army, for most of us, helping comrades in that usually mentioned camaraderie is just for officership, for higher ranking in peer appraisal and stuff. singapore has never experienced the true thing, and as we move on in time to a 4G, 5G army, i think its time we rethink what level of maturity we are talking about before claiming the essense of the change.
up till today, i still have this feel of having things undone in my 19 years of childhood. prolly too much to speak of, but i know if time cud be rewound, i wud make a conscious attempt to look into those missed stuff. now, i can only hope to make a greater effort to grab the time and fit it into my history. its never too late, just dun let it be never. i know many people talk about this during their bday but this is still prolly the most disturbing thing that still lingers in my mind right in the moment i pass the 00:00 mark on 11/11/2006.
as i contemplate over my life so far, i think i shall share some stuff which i think strike me best so far, making my life more meaningful and purposeful.
charity is what that hurts - mother theresa (i will try to help as much as i can once i get out of my situation!)
there's no full dress rehearsal in life - gandhi
music
reach - gloria estefan
enya songs (they accompanied me though my best times in thailand, and never fail to make me feel better when im down)
peng you - emil chau
oh how the years go by - amy grant
25 minutes - MLTR
dont wanna miss a thing - aerosmith
books
the sister's keeper - jodi picoult
tuesdays with morrie - mitch albom (i dunno how best to describe this book. simply made me realise life with it)

but anyways, yups, its still a good birthday, having soccer in the afternoon, and shud be having some mini celebration with my buncha frens in the evening and night. made lotsa wishes already haha, and yea. i know usually i dont really bother about bdays but yea, who ask mine to be on such a prominent day! :P haha. oh ya, someone else's celebrating bday with me. i actually got quite shellshocked that my sec3/4 class had 4 bday kids on 11/11. wad the hell, its so much of a coincidence. nevertheless, its definitely a good day to rejoice haha. haf fun!