pain

i had an intention to write about choices. but i kind of forgotten about the inspired thought as it flashed through my mind few days back.

life in camp is getting depressing.
"its no longer sad to book in, it is booking in with dread. and dread is far worse than sadness"
tuesday night i booked into camp in the same mindset of many, going back to camp after a long break. and what looms ahead is a whole year of tough exercises, ndp preparation and long distance runs. we were joking about some stuff in the bunk until my fren said "i think i shud downgrade". we all looked at him, not with contempt that our workload will increase even more, but with the mutual approval and agreement that we should also do it. it is the first time we openly talked so vividly about doing that bastard thing. its even more so, not something that my fren would say. he was one of a fighter, a brave soul.
before 2007, i was in the toilet with 1 fren. it was after a day of really hectic activities in camp, covering duties and work for our fellow guys who were away for parade rehearsals. he told me tat he's going to breakdown soon. i felt his pain as mine, and what's more, he's a regular.
i passed this week with lotsa preparation for exercise, almost busy for 3 full days. there were many things to do, many complains to make and frustrations to vent. but something just caught me unknowingly. it was fun. fun to be busy. its something that i really haven felt after secondary school days in PB organising events and stuff. but i cud still feel my dread for the tough times to come and hit me. even more so, i tot of the days my earlier batch were subjected to - more hell than us. my fren used to tell me, we are suffering but what kept him going was what the previous batch had to do and do with just 6 men. i told him that was what kept me going to, and much much more now. i shud be a fighter, that's being man. i am a fighter, that's being yong chuen.
hmms.
10 more long months.
it will be done soon.

i was reading forums about the debate over the death penalty subjected to saddam hussein and his treatment by US. that hanging doesnt really prick my heart in anyway, and i think he deserves it. prolly what is in question is killing another man for his killings. there will be no end in this shit debate, i just believe you play the game when you followed society, and you follow the rules. what is the bigger question is to whether did he really bring harm to iraq. dictatorship ensured the raging between the bloody stupid shiites and sunnis did not break out even though it meant sacrifising the freedom of minority, and subsequently the illtreatment of the minority. yes, he did indulge in riches but didnt mao zedong indulge in his too? compare that to the rising number of people being killed in the streets in baghdad everyday just for the name of democracy - for the greater good of everyone. that number of deaths is far far beyond the massacre of 150 or so that saddam committed. have democracy worked? have US liberated the souls of people? or set them raging, which only a dictatorship would have curbed it? was saddam's fall worth celebrating for iraqis? its beyond me to make that judgement but i do feel US did make a wrong mistake. Not a mistake for itself but a mistake for iraqis, a mistake for their soldiers. they did these people the greatest injustice in the name of democracy. yes, democracy.

anyways, on the lighter note, my mom and sis haf been bugging me to show them the saddam hussein's execution video. like what's up with that guy's death man. -.-
yups, today had mexican food with the guys down at clarke quay. it was quite a nice feast haha. some naan like poppiah stuff i ate - borritos they call it. haha, borriquito :p errr, it was damn filling though it looked deceptively small. appetisers were equally gd, calamari and some naan stuff with nice avocado sauce. hearty meal, and though it was lotsa money, i tot it was well worth it for fine dining at a nice ambiance. 4.5 stars for that! yups, sinful though, ahhhhh not really been exercising but tough times to come, yea. tmr is going to be a short day, going back to camp quite early, like leaving at 3pm. hope to be able to watch finish infernal affairs 3 before i leave, or read more of my sister's keeper by jodi picoult. its been a great book, great story so far, enjoying it. hope it turns out with a bigger bang!